Ridiculous Thoughts: Grapes

Today I present my first installment of Ridiculous Thoughts, where I tell a story about a thought that got into my head and won’t get out no matter how hard I try. Today I’ll talk about grapes.

I occasionally drop a grape in the kitchen and when I do, it always seems to disappear. No matter how much I search, it’s just gone. This makes no sense because there really aren’t many places in the kitchen for a grape to hide. So I got to wondering. What if…

The Grapes of NIMH

The history of Grapekind is long and convoluted. Experts do not agree on all the facts and much of their history exists only as oral tradition. Here is a brief overview:

In the beginning, there was the fridge in my kitchen. Now the space under the fridge was formless and empty; darkness was over every surface. Then Derek dropped a grape and created Grapekind. [Excerpt from book one of Grape Genesis]

I like to think that on the day I dropped the first grapes, they- as the cognizant beings they are- immediately set about constructing a secret society. Much like the rats of NIMH living in that farmer’s rosebush, the grapes under my fridge began constructing a technologically advanced society (and perhaps building up to the point where they have the knowledge and grape power to attack and subdue me, their nefarious executioner).

At first, green grapes existed in the greatest numbers (that’s what I bought in the early days of the fridge) but grapes are sterile as everyone knows and their only hope for expansion was to wait for others to escape my clutches. There does exist a legend that tells of a merry band of brave grapes- led by the mighty Grapin Hood- that conducted nightly missions into the fridge in search of conscript grapes. I wouldn’t be surprised if the stories are true; my bowl of grapes always seems to empty sooner than expected. I suspect that such a mission would be frightening to the fridge-dwelling grapes. Why would they choose to leave the climate-controlled fridge to live a life of sneaking through the shadows? Grapin Hood surely told them that their lives were in danger but would they have believed his talk of doom and gloom?

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